One of the most frequently asked questions I'm asked is, "how do I get buy-in and motivate others to make a decision?"
The answer is more simple than you think, and part of the challenge is in the way the question is being asked. The question presuposes that you have to do the work, when in reality all the motivating factors and forces come from the other person or persons.
What motivates me is not what motivates you and not what motivates your neighbor. Moitvation is something deep and personal and unique to each of us. Motivation, the real motivation, is the "why". So how do you get at the real "why's"?
You must get to know who you're working with on a personal level. Who they are, what their interests and hobbies are, and activities the engage in outside of work will all have common elements. If you look deep you can easily find the common thread.
Once you have that thread, their "why", then you have all the ammunition you need. Take their motivating force, their "why", and show them how they can get more of it and accomplish it by moving forward with your outcome.
Once you associate their "why" to your outcome, the deal is done. When they see accomplishing their "why's" as a part of the deal, then there is no selling, there is no convincing, and buy-in becomes natural.
The stock market is up, the economy is down, government temporary jobs are up and private sector jobs are down. All indications are we are headed toward another market dip as the economy still hasn't recovered from the last dip.
You have to ask yourself, is your business contracting with the economy or expanding regardless of the economy? In other words, are you making your own way or are you making excuses because the media, your customers and clients, and your colleagues are telling you how bad it is?
It's simply too easy to cave into the negativity, because everyone around you is moaning how bad it is and how there's no jobs available. Well I'm here to call BS on those of you selling this garbage story. Everywhere I go, and in every industry I see people and businesses crushing it everyday and laughing at the rest of everyone who's complaining and whining.
You see, they know a dirty little secret, and it really is as simple as this little secret. I see all the bad just like everyone else, and I also interact and see those making a difference and winning huge while everyone else is moaning.
Wanna' know the secret? Here it is, stop complaining and blaming everyone else and the economy for your problems and start accepting 1000% responsibility for everything in your life. You're in control. Own what's happening, own your circumstances and take 100x's more action than everybody else.
Am I joking? HELL NO! Winners don't blame, they look in the mirror to improve. Winners, and there are lots of them, are making their way expanding their businesses - not contracting like all the other whiners out there (not you and your company of course).
As for my business, training is always the first budget item that gets cut when economic challenges arise. Summer time is also the slowest time of year in the training world. So how's my business? We had our busiest summer yet, on track for our busiest most productive and profitable year to date, and I'm HIRING - that's right, I'm expanding not contracting.
My dirty little secret; I've accepted 1000% responsibility for everything in my life, and I'm busting my butt out-working my whining competitors. It's both an easy and hard secret to accept. The question is, do you want to expand are get owned?
We must become the change we expect in others, or others will change what we expect of ourselves.
You can't possibly expect anyone to follow you or act differently if you're not already demonstrating the behaviors or lifestyle yourself. In other words, you must lead by example. If you don't, you will likely drop your own expectations or standards, and live to the expectations of others.
This is easier said then done, because we have such an intense sense of belonging and connection. The moment we challenge the status quo, and live to a higher standard, is the moment we put ourselves at risk of isolation. We can rub those we care about the wrong way or potentially offend and risk losing relationships.
This is when our need for connection becomes the strongest, and we start lowering our expectations; and therefore, our change in ourselves. So what can we do?
The first step is always to write exactly what you expect of yourself and others and exactly why. the why is the determining factor. If your why isn't strong enough, you'll never follow through. Next create an action plan to keep you on target.
The key to this action plan is setting "baby steps." If you really expect change in others, and know you must be a living example of what you expect, then make it easy on yourself and minimize any objection. Start by making small changes in yourself and ease into your full blown expectations.
When you hit others all at once with everything, of course they will be put off and fight you. The easier you can make things on yourself and others, the quicker and less painful it will be for them to change.
So live your expectations. If you're starting over, start small and gently transition your way into the change you expect in others. Don't fight the battle all at once, or others will influence you and change what you expect of yourself.
When someone offers you criticism, whether it's constructive or not, do you take it as rejection or as a time to reflect?
Most people, myself included, if we're brutally honest take criticism as a form of rejection. We take painfully personal. It's an admission no one wants to make. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone tell me anything other than - I welcome criticism and don't take it personally.
Every time I hear that, or whatever variation it comes in, I think exactly the same thought - Bull$#!+! Criticism, whether it's delivered the right way or not, is personal, it is painful to hear, and it is the very definition of someone rejecting what they're criticizing about us. So how can we be reflective and not feel rejected?
First, accept the fact that you're human and it will feel like rejection. But just like me, once you get past the bruised ego, then and only then can you become reflective. Let me give you an example.
I received some feedback recently that was different from my usual, "you're amazing" type of feedback at one of my events. At first I was shocked to hear the comment, then I felt hurt, and then I was kind of an egomaniac inside thinking - who do they think they are? I'm the expert at presenting. They're hear to learn, not judge.
Fortunately that whole emotional sequence lasted about 5 minutes, and then I put my ego aside and started to reflect on what they had to offer. And you know what, they were spot on correct. Their perspective inspired me to change the way I delivered one section of my content. I went back to the creative phase, came up with a modified approach and the feedback has been 10x's better than I expected.
This is all because I became reflective. Reflective means putting your ego and hurt feelings aside. If someone is offering yo criticism they're doing it to help you, and you must acknowledge, accept and apply it as such. You're going to have a bruised ego at first. So what! Put your feelings aside and ask a better question - how can I use this feedback to make an outstanding improvement in myself?
Ask that question and I guarantee you'll improve for the better. Look criticism is rejection, but you can't have real reflection until you move past the rejection we all feel. So welcome criticism and it's unfortunate rejection, and apply what you learn. You'll earn their respect, and your own.
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